ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
