I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
