yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
