yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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