Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you traded sex for a burrito?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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