Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
