evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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