i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
