I want to stick my p in your. b.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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