If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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