capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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