May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
