Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
