Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
