dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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