so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
