It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
