Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
