never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
