he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
