Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
