You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
