So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Come see our sink grown plant.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
