I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
