So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
