meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
