I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
