And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
