What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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