Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he fucked my hip out of place.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
