none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
