I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
