you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
