This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
