Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
