if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
