you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
