I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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