Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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