sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
