I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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