I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
