maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
