The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
that is very illegal...i love you.
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