i can't believe i had my finger in that
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
