im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
