I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
