We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
