i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
