Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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